Screwed
by TL22
Summary: This is a spoof if easily offended please don't read. Every relationship is made fun of


A/N This story is meant to be in good fun. I have no animosity toward any characters or relationships

Rory had a horrible week. It started when she and Logan were having sex. At the critical moment she started screaming "OH Jess OH Jess harder, harder." Logan was really pissed at her. Rory tried to say it did not mean anything, but Logan was not buying it.

So after the tearful confrontation Rory said screw it, I am going to go to Philadelphia and see Jess.

She walked into Jess's bookstore, and in an instant he knew she was there. Wow what a connection they had, all she had to do was walk in and he knew the instant she was there.

"Jess" She said coyly "How do you know when I enter a room without even looking up?"

"It's the smell of fermented coffee beans. Your odor; proceeds you everywhere you go dear."

Rory and Jess stayed up late talking about their hopes and desires. She felt their bond being tightened. When Jess led her to the bed she did not object. Jess started to make tender love to her, like only he could. The only downer she thought as their hips rocked together; was the smell of his unwashed feet.

Rory felt her passion building, higher and higher till she fell off the mountain, screaming "Oh Dean Oh Dean., Ream me." Jess started calling her dirty names which turned her on even more. "You bitch, you whore."

"Oh God Dean your turning me on". She went faster and faster their bodies flailing. She felt it slip out and jam against her pelvic bone, then a piercing scream "OH Fuck you broke it." Then loud screams of pain.

"Oh you bitch Rory leave, get the hell out of here, Calling me Dean," Then another round of Jess whimpering on the bed cradling his privates.

Screw this Rory thought. If I am not wanted I will go. Rory drove to Stars Hollow; by the time she got there it was midmorning. Her mother was out of town at some hotel convention. For some odd reason her mother never married Luke. She married Kirk. Rory did not understand why she did that. Rory asked her once and her mother's eyes glazed over. "Have you ever watched him lick and ice cream cone?

Rory was going to see Dean that night. Her sweet Dean, her first love; she and Dean met up at a park on the outskirts of town. He suggested it would be nice, like old times. Dean brought a blanket and two bottles of wine. They sat and talked and drank the wine. The moon was out and a gentle breeze wafted through the trees.

Rory did not object when Dean kissed her, it was a sweet and gentle as she remembered. She felt his hands gently caressing her body. Her clothes magically came off and they started to make sweet gentle love. He was on top of her, their passion building. The sweat from his chest was stinging her eyes. Suddenly something bit her bare rear end, Rory yelled. "Oh shit" and started thrusting trying to get away from her lover, who then mistook her wild gyrations for passion, and renewed his effort.

Then the dam broke "Oh God Logan. Looooogaaaaaaaan" She wailed.

When Dean finished "What the hell Rory what is this Logan crap. Get the hell out of here I feel used, my feeling are hurt.

Rory gathered her clothes and slunk back to her mother's house for rest and to tend to the bite on her ass.

XXXXXX SIX WEEKS LATER XXXXX

Rory with the moral support of Lane examined the stick "Congratulations" Lane said, "your pregnant."

"Oh shit Rory said. This is not good. I think I have a problem."

What could it be Rory Lane asked wide eyed.

"Lane", Rory said, with a trembling voice, "I slept with Logan, Jess and Dean in the same week."

"This could be a problem Rory, What do you see in each guy?"

"Well Logan is rich and can buy me anything. Jess is sensitive and really understands me, and Dean is hung like a horse."

"Well OK Rory let's call each one of them and you can ask them what they would think about having a child in the near future."

"Rory called Logan and spoke with him about children. Logan replied "You want kids, sure, but we would not have time for a pregnancy, so if you want, I will buy you two or three kids from China."

Rory called Jess, and asked him the same question. "No" Jess replied. "I am too sensitive, and involved in my own self awareness, to have kids."

Rory called sweet Dean and asked him the crucial question. Dean's reply was "Huh, how do you have kids?"

Rory sat at her kitchen table head in hands, "Oh Lane what am I going to do?" The two girls sat there in the gloomy silence.

Lane jumped up "I have it Rory. Remember Tristan?"

"Yes" Rory cried, "Let's find him. He always had a thing for me".

They pulled up the alumni records from Chilton and found Tristan's address. Rory called him. Tristan sounded pleasantly surprised and agreed to have a date with Rory.

Rory noticed a certain reluctance with him. Finally she said "Oh Tristan you used to want to kiss me, why don't you do it now. I really want and need you". They shyly kissed. And Rory decided she had to take matters into her own hands and then fondled him getting him excited. Quick as a flash Rory got naked and guided him into her. As their passion became more heated she heard Tristan cry out "OH Logan, Oh Logan."

Epilogue

Rory had triplets. The girl was born with dark hair and eyes, One boy was hung like a horse and the second boy had blonde hair and blue eyes.


End file.
